So far life in Orlando has been a very interesting experience and lately I have found it much harder to stay focused on the positive aspects of this experience.
I don't want to be this person who dosen't give change a chance. Eight months ago I had this feeling that coming out to Orlando for school was what I needed to do and as hard as I knew it would be I was looking forward to the challenge of meeting new people and coming out of my shell even more than I had to in Utah. I wish I still felt the same. Lately I have found myself only being able to focus on the things I miss about UT and focusing on those things makes it a lot harder for me to enjoy myself here.
I had lots of different ideas of why the Lord would send me out here, but of course I over think eveyrthing and I found that one reason has made it self known that I had never previously thought of. I wouldn't call it a punishment but I think it is more of a humbling thing. I will honestly say that when I was out in UT I didn't always have the best attitude. I focused a lot on how hard it was being out there and not going to BYU, and because of this I didn't really enjoy school. I also focused WAY too much on how far away I was from home and because of this it made it difficult for me to try and make good friends. I felt like I had enough friends back home and I didn't need anymore than my roommates. There are lots of other things that stopped me from enjoying myself completely but I either can't remember them or don't feel like explaining them. Im a complicated person lol, but not really. :)
Anyway, looking back on last year now I can't help but think "wow, life was so much easier". I took so much of what I had out there for granted and now that I don't have them anymore I have found that they are things that are a lot more important to me than I realized.
I miss living with my best friends. I miss being able to walk to church. I miss having the opportunity to go to CES firesides and General Conferences. I miss getting to enjoy sunday dinners with family that we didn't get to see much growing up. I miss the mountains. I miss being able to go to the temple whenever I wanted to. I miss being able to walk to 711, or just anywhere after dark and feeling safe. I miss having home teachers. I miss the random parties people would have at their apartments. I miss ward prayer and nice notes. I miss cafe rio. I miss riding the bus. I miss being able to walk over to friends apartments. I miss hearing people talk about the prophet at walmart. I miss having a calling at church. . .and the list could go on and on.
Most of those things were just how life was. I didn't think of them as anything special, but now that they aren't part of my life I hate that I didn't take more time to enjoy them, instead of just see them as things I should be doing.
I guess I don't really know what I was trying to get out of writing this post? I have had so much on my mind about what the future has in store for me and I think being able to recognize certain things about UT will help me in future decisions I may have to make. All I can say is I never thought I would end up going to school in Florida, and yet here I am. Anything can happen, plans can change, and I hope that whatever happens I will be able to stay strong and let things happen the way they are suppose to.
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