I have never really known anyone that close to me who has passed away, until a month ago.
I met Rachel Kekauoha this last semester at BYU-I. I remember walking into the competitive futsal meeting and she was the first person to introduce herself to me and I was so grateful for that because I am not the most outgoing person. What I quickly noticed was how easy she was to talk to and I was so excited to hopefully get to know her better and luckily I did. We didn’t end up playing on the same team but our team’s practiced at the same time and we always scrimmaged them, so every Monday and Wednesday I could look forward to seeing Rachel’s smiling face. We both wore the #12, so we always joked about having some sort of special connection. I have never enjoyed playing against someone so much. Every time we scrimmaged Rachel’s team or played them in real games there was never any doubt that it would be a blast because Rachel was there. She was one of those players that I enjoyed going up against because I knew it would be a challenge. She always gave it 100% and it forced me to do the same, plus she always made it fun. If she ever knocked anyone down or pushed them too hard she would instantly apologize and you could tell she was always genuinely sorry. One of the things I loved most about Rachel was how after every single game, whether she had won or lost she would always come up to me and my other teammates and tell us how amazing we played, when she was the one who really deserved all of the praise. I can honestly say that I have never met someone more humble. Rachel really made this futsal season such an amazing experience for me.
I am also incredibly grateful for the fact that we were able to become friends outside the soccer world. That I was able to talk with her about life and school and church and all those things that friends talk about. Being around someone like her with that much light, kindness and humility just made me want to be a better person. That is why I feel so blessed to have had the chance to meet Rachel, while I may be a few years older than she was I learned so much from her in just those 4 months of knowing her. She was an amazing soccer player; friend and just an all around incredible person and I know that she touched the lives of every single person she met. She definitely made an impact on my life that I will be forever grateful for.
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So now let me go back to my thoughts on loss. When I found out about Rachel's death the flood of emotions that came over me were indescribable, after all I had never known someone who has passed away. I was, to put it simply, heart broken. I sat there alone in my sister room in Utah trying so hard and failing to stop the constant flow of tears that were escaping my eyes. I didn't want to believe it. This friend of mine that I had just starting becoming so close with and had just talked to a couple days before was gone.
Well since then the Lord has reminded me several times of what I believe and know to be true. The words in particular that really helped me find comfort these last few weeks came from the devotional given at BYU-I by President Clark and his wife entitled, "We Lived After the Manner of Happiness". In one section of this devotional they talk about overcoming challenges to happiness and say...
"Opposition is part of Heavenly Father’s plan. Sometimes opposition to happiness comes from things that happen to us. Sometimes opposition comes from things we do to ourselves. No matter where the challenges to happiness come from, the questions for us are: do we overcome them, or do they overcome us? As we work to overcome life’s challenges, we gain experience, grow in faith, and add to our foundation of happiness. We want to consider with you today three challenges to happiness that seem especially important for us. We begin with pain and suffering.
Pain and suffering come to all of us. Illness, accidents, death, natural disasters, depression, disappointments of all kinds, and the actions of others cause physical and emotional pain and suffering. They disrupt our happiness.
The pattern of holiness the Lord has given us helps us overcome the effects of pain and suffering. Here are the lessons: Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ—trust in His love, mercy, and power, and in His timing. Resist thoughts of anger, bitterness, or despair. Act with faith in Christ to do His will, no matter what comes. Remember, the Savior sees the end from the beginning. His will is the very best thing that could ever happen."
As hard as it was, and as hard as it still is at times to think that she is gone from this earth, it gives me great comfort to know that the Lord has a plan for her just as he does for each of us, and through the atonment which I feel like I understand so much more clearly now because of this experience I know that because He died she will live again and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for her.
Another part of that devotional that reminded me of Rachel was when Sis. Clark stated that "our work is to let the light of Christ shine in us that others may feel and see Him through us." That is exactly how Rachel lived her life, and so I feel like the best way to let her memory live on would be to strive to live the way she did.
I know this is a longer post, but I just want to end it by sharing this beautiful message I heard was shared at her funeral that is just perfect. It reads...
"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back, or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love that she shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her and only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."
I love and miss Rachel beyond words, but I look forward to seeing her again one day!
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